This time of year has always held a different kind of feel for me. On one hand, I enjoy celebrating my precious Momma – she is truly one of a kind. She is fierce and strong, yet tender and humble. She is a warrior princess who battles the enemy many many times as she journeys this life as the King’s beloved daughter. Of course, I take delight in praising Him for choosing such a beautiful soul to be my mother.
Mother’s are this wonderful gift of grace, and I feel this grace wash over me every time I talk with mine.
Yet, this time of year has the power to make me keenly aware of what I (seemingly) missed out on because of my barrenness. I understand what it is like longing to hold a child in your arms and know they are yours only – the desire to have a child rise up and call me blessed, to say, ‘I love you Momma” or, when he’s older, tell me I’ve always been his “valkyrie” (my brother says that about our mom.)
But here’s the thing, with each passing Mother’s Day season, I grow ever more grateful it is God who directs my path and knows my deepest desires. As the years have passed, I see more and more being a mother doesn’t always happen the way we envision it.
My brother’s children, my husband’s daughter, my nursery babies, my friends’ children, and the students I teach have filled an empty space I never thought would feel full. Each time I hear, “Aunt Tonn Tonn, you’re the best Aunt Tonn Tonn in the world,” my barren womb receives divine healing. The Sunday mornings I hold newborns and play with toddlers, my childless arms are completely full. When I listen to a Kindergartner pray, my lonely mother’s heart isn’t so lonely anymore. Seeing “Step Mama” (with a heart) on my girl’s phone makes my heart smile so big. With every teen girl leaning in for advice, prayer, and a hug, my Father’s compassion fuels my spirit.
Just like Hannah, I can honestly say of all the children God brings into my life, “For this child, I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of him.” I have been so blessed.
He molds miracles into reality and our dreams into life. We can depend on Him, He is faithful to give us the desires of our heart when we are trusting Him alone.
So, one day when I am older and do not have children and grandchildren gathering all around me to celebrate Mother’s Day, I will still be able to look back over my life and say thank you God for giving me a Mother’s heart – I sure did enjoy using it! I can only pray I used it well.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the sweet and beautiful women who mother the world with their love and grace. Bio-moms, adoptive moms, stepmoms, grandmoms, aunts, teachers, nursery workers, big-sisters – all of you – we celebrate all with a mother’s heart, you are a gift of God’s grace, and we are thankful for you!